I Love Birthers...

...they are the gift that keeps on giving.

How many birthers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to explain the conspiracy why the filament didn't last, because Obama and liberals sabotaged the factory.

What's the difference between a reptile and a birther?
One is hatched from eggs, eats insects, and sleeps under a rock.
The other is a reptile.

I can't listen to Rush Limbaugh. The string between the tin cans is broken.

Isn't it a shame how 99% of the birthers give the whole movement a bad name?

I had to take my birther neighbor to the hospital. He broke his leg when he tripped over his cordless phone.

Did you hear about the birther who refused to go to Canada, because he couldn't speak the language?

What does it say on the bottom of Coke bottles sold in red states? "Open other end"

How do you drive a birther mad? Put him in the Oval Office, and tell him the president's Kenyan birth certificate is hidden in the corner.

How do you tell who is the groom at a birther wedding? He's the guy wearing the clean wifebeater.

What's the solution to the birther problem? Live ammo for Civil War reenactments.

Why did the birther stare at the orange juice carton? Because it said "CONCENTRATE"

What's wrong with birther jokes? Birthers don't think they're funny, and other people don't think they're a joke.

How do birthers form a car pool? They meet at work.

Welcome To Birfistan

CAROTID - Nestled in the mountains on the edge of Transylvania, lies the duchy of Birfistan. On the outskirts of the capital city of Carotid, sits a foreboding castle. At night, strange sounds can be heard coming from the top level. Whenever a visitor asks any of the town folk about the castle, there is a sotto voce reply: "It's really an asylum," before hurrying away.

For in this castle lives Orly "Snow" White, and the Seven Dwarfs. They are:

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-Bergy: florid, bearded, ill-tempered

-Puzy: always rumpled, took Grumpy's place after he was found in the Delaware River

-Donofry: lost everything at poker, works in the castle's OT shop

-Swensy: high strung, but hides it by acting dopey

-Schulzy: a dwarf from upstate New York

-Ritzy: a dwarf from Oklahoma, spends his day demanding IDs from everyone in proximity of the castle

-Cooky: was in Birfistan's armed forces, until a breakdown

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Overseeing all of these denizens, and the castle itself, is of course Orly "Snow" White. She once was a dentist, lawyer, and real estate agent until the breakdown on international television. She hasn't been seen in public since.

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So if you take the weekly Lockheed Constellation flight to Birfistan, the same airplane Ann Dunham took to Kenya in 1961, be sure to walk cautiously if you approach the castle. Ritzy will run up to you, demanding to see your birth certificate. Act with pity; he's unhinged.

My Cat's Kenyan Birth Certificate

click on the certificate for a close-up

The birth certificate generator is here.

My Authentic Kenyan Birth Certificate

click on the certificate for a close-up

By popular demand, here is the jpg template, and here is the pdf template.